Fantasy owners, pay close attention to Travis d’Arnaud.

June 5, 2012

I learned a lot about social media this past year.  One of the things I learned was that Twitter is an amazing, amazing resource in this age of information.

You’re reading a blog written by a guy who has no more writing credentials than a journalism class in high school, taught by the wonderful Mrs. Massey.  This was coupled with a handful of college English classes.  I have no editor above me.  No deadlines.  And no accountability.

One of the things I learned from writing as a hard-nosed reporter for the Cambridge Springs High School Pitchfork as well as watching Season 5 of ‘The Wire’ is that fact checking is very important.

Templeton the Wire; Templeton Charlotte's Web

Templetons: They’re all a bunch of rats.

Any average Joe can write anything they want about any topic they want, but that doesn’t necessarily make it reporting.  However, Twitter has helped to bridge recreational writers and recreational reporters.

Here I am doing my due diligence. I’ve gone right to the source, as much as I can on this one.  The other day I heard word that uber-prospect Travis d’Arnaud had been fielding ground balls at first base.  So short of sitting next to him at his locker after a game, I figured the only other way to contact Travis was via Twitter.  So I did.

travis darnaud twitter

Now, his account isn’t verified, but he is followed by Buster Olney, his brother, Chase, the MLBPA, and Minor League Baseball on Twitter.  I’m assuming they’re not all following some weird, random guy behind his computer.

So fantasy players, I can only assume Toronto is looking to get his bat in their lineup sometime soon.  My initial thought was the Carlos Santana project in Cleveland, where The Tribe began using Carlos at first, catcher, and DH.

Of course, that’s all speculation.  There’s no Twitter source confirming that.

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On my friends on the Foo Fighters

August 22, 2011

Around these parts insulting the Foo Fighters is like challenging someone to a duel: not a good idea.  Add the fuel of a case of Miller Lite and you’d be better off telling Neil Armstrong he faked the moon landing.

We don't take kindly to you talking about Dave like that 'round here.

So last night my friend Mike thought he’d play Devil’s advocate and stir the pot a little bit on facebook.  I don’t think he had any idea how quickly his evening would devolve from there.  If you manage to read all 142 (I think) comments, the ending is totally worth it.

Enjoy.

Things started out innocently enough a week or so ago.

And then they quickly unraveled from there.

I'm not quite sure how 'multi' was misspelled as 'mulch', but it definitely occurred. Clearly the Miller Lite is working its magic.

Apparently Mike chooses the greatest albums ever based solely on record sales. What an idiot..

The only way to conclude this argument is by stating the obvious.


Facebook Anthropology 101

December 9, 2010

One evening, aided and inspired by a bender at the Riverside Inn, I decided to discover the beginning of time as I know it.  Time as I now know it is measured in the era AF, or Anno Facebook. The term Anno Facebook is Medieval Latin, roughly translated to In the year of Our Facebook.

My cousin Kent heard of this newfangled thing called facebook back in 2005.  A friend of his attended Harvard and told him about this website that let college students (or students with college e-mail accounts) post information about themselves and share it with other people.  Intrigued enough by the prospect, I signed up for facebook.

As facebook continues to grow, I’ve witnessed the relationships it has spawned, documented, and ruined.  I’ve seen what people have been thinking literally moments after a divorce and conversely right after a marriage.  I’ve witnessed some of the most hilarious, disgusting, and disappointing things I have ever seen written that have made me utterly lose faith in humanity.  But then ‘Mafia Wars’ came out and made it all better.

It really was an interesting trip that night (and definitely well-buzzed), chronicling my life over the last four or so years.  People came into my life, as evidenced by facebook.  I’ve lost touch with some, kept in touch with others.  It really keeps track of the ebb and flow of things in my social life.

It was a challenging journey discovering where it all began.  I seriously had to click ‘previous posts’ for two hours straight to find where facebook started for me.  Had I not started out this challenging quest drunk, I probably never would have been curious enough to finish it.  In fact, by the time it was over, I was lucid enough to realize that after my internet browser crashed twice during the middle of it, I would have been better served to have sat down, read a book and learned something instead.  But wow, what a trip.

So come with me on this magical journey through the highlights of my facebook tenure!  I can’t promise you’ll find it interesting, but I can promise you that I did.

(Disclaimer: I would like to make one thing clear: this was an epic waste of time.)

(Edit: My wordpress account lost all of the imagines I uploaded when I changed the name and location of my blog.  In the early hours of August 5, 2011, determined to yet again find what was rightfully mine, I searched the never-ending posts on facebook to rediscover what was rightfully mine: the beginning of my facebook account.)

This is where facebook all started for me. With boobs.

The first time someone wished me happy birthday via facebook. Notice the primitive style of writing. Simply 'Happy birthday!!' No further elaboration.

The first time someone confused me for someone else on facebook. I was never in choir. (Editor's Note: One day in 8th grade I was late to Mr. Brown's science class, so instead of getting a tardy, I walked across the hall and told the chorus teacher I wanted to change my schedule because I was interested in joining choir. She smiled and told me to speak with the guidance counselor. I said, 'Okay! Great!' Then I asked her for a pass. I never joined choir. I've never told anyone that story before.)

On September 5, 2006 Super Dave and I became virtual friends.

On November 5, 2006 my next door neighbor became my virtual neighbor.

The first of what I can only assume are my brother's attempts at a drunken form of communication. As noted below, clearly I have no idea what any of that means.

My friendship with Sam began on November 26, 2006. Right here.

The first UNC basketball game I attended.

I became friends with Kari. Notice above that she still doesn't understand the complex workings of facebook.

I want Megan to remember this forever. She really doesn't like the Browns.

Things were not always this cordial between us. I elaborate more on that if you follow the link below.

Follow this link to learn more about my tumultuous relationship with the above young lady.

This is the very first comment that facebook allowed me to like. Apparently Amy thinks I'm an all around terrible human being.

I don't remember who this person is, but she was talking about how I liked golden showers, so I figured it was significant. Also note the comment posted three years later during the drinking/research session.

For the sake of posterity, Marcus is this caliber of person.

On June 22, 2007, Mike and I become friends. Note that I'm still using facebook as a means to keep in touch with people I haven't talked to in a while, like Sara, who clearly has no idea what region of the United States I'm living in at the time.

On June 26, 2007, Jozzy and I become friends. And then she never calls me back, ever. Which is ironic, because...

Apparently I never called her back at one point.

On August 14, 2007 Dan and I are reunited online. It was a beautiful moment.

Clearly Emily knows me all-too-well. Also, Ross almost got married. That was a crazy time.

My little brother Jon wished me a happy birthday on this day as well.

This was an exciting time in my life: when I purchased my two wheeled death machine.

In April of 2008 I made a trip home to attend one of many Seth Fests.

I think there was something implied in that comment.

My favorite Dan comment to date was after Isaac and Meagan's wedding.

This was my first status update ever in honor of the irreplaceable Mr. Mumau.

This was my second status update ever. On a much cheerier note.

My first comment after I moved back to Pennsylvania and had to live with my parents until I could find an apartment.

This is proof of the first time I conducted this facebook anthropological research. How's that for a trippy status and comment? It's like 'Back to the Future.'

I'm not sure what happened this evening, but Marcus was privy to some highly classified information on the events that unfolded.

The first ever status updates I made from a phone.

My first blog post on facebook.

That night was... amazing.

The beginning of the end of my stay in Pennsylvania.

I'm like a baseball Nostradamous.

I had the best mustache by the end of this contest.

That one still makes me laugh.

Mike started a t-shirt business that would soon spiral out of control and consume his life.

Careful when you're driving through Cambridge Springs, Pennsylvania.

This is what happens when I play fantasy sports.

I saw Karl Urban at a deli in Los Angeles. No big deal.

A few enjoyable evenings in California and what would become a staple for me knowing when I've had too much to drink. Thank you, Kent.

I'm still enjoying my job, obviously.

This is where my research began last time.

Thank you, Sam, for continuing to contribute to the hilarity on my facebook wall.

It was a fun stroll down Memory Lane.  I figured that I had all of these screen shots captured, so it’d be a shame to waste them.  One of these nights after a few brews and with a couple hours to waste, sit down, click away at ‘previous posts’ and discover a little bit about yourself.  It’ll be well worth your while.

(Editor’s Note: There are significantly more screen shots taken of my facebook wall in this post than the first time.  I figured if I was going back again, I needed to catalog way more of my facebook history.)


A biopic I’d love to see made

September 14, 2010

With the upcoming release of David Fincher’s The Social Network, I found myself wondering what other ensemble biopics I thought could be turned into workable pieces of art.  After visiting the couch of my friends Mike and Elizabeth last night, I think I’ve struck cinema gold.

The Blanket with Sleeves

This biopic would chronicle the epic rise of the cultural phenomenon that is the Snuggie® and the simultaneous dramatic collapse of the relationships behind the friends who invented it.  Before it became the self proclaimed ‘America’s Favorite Blanket with Sleeves’, a young, sexy group of employees at Allstar Marketing hatched the genius idea of making the worn out idea of a blanket way cooler.  Instead of just being able to sit underneath a blanket, they decide to make a blanket much more practicle and easier to use when doing things on a couch, like reading or using the remote, by giving it sleeves.

This movie will star Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, and child star Ben Savage from 'Boy Meets World'.

This close-knit (did I mention sexy?) group would eventually collapse under the pressures of their initial success, which would result in a catastrophic internal argument amongst them.  Half of the group would leave to create the Slanket.  Angered and emotionally wounded from the betrayal of their former friends, the other group would go on to take the Slanket and make it even better.

Thus, out of the ashes of ruined friendships…

the Snuggie® is born.

Betrayal. Intruige. Sex. Snuggies. Slankets.

 

Tagline 1: Don’t wear your heart on your sleeves.

Tagline 2: The best friendships are hemmed at the sleeves.


Scala & Kolacny Brothers are "Creep"-y.

August 24, 2010

If you’ve seen the popular trailer for the upcoming film ‘The Social Network‘, you’ve heard that choir hauntingly cover Radiohead’s early nineties hit ‘Creep’.  If you’re like me, you were immediately infatuated with the song and its emo-like weirdness.  I did a little digging, and found that the song was covered by the Scala & Kolacny Brothers Choir (which is, ironically, an all girls choir).

They’ve released five albums that cover various rock bands, such as Counting Crows, Foo Fighters, U2, and Marilyn Manson.  They’re definitely worth a listen to.


Facebook continues to control and ruin lives and relationships

June 29, 2010

If I weren’t so invested in that social networking site, facebook.com, I’d drop it like the bad habit that it is.  But, like any good bad habit, it’s ingrained itself in my life worse than a big, dark melanoma mole.  It’s social networking crack-cocaine at its finest.

Here’s Mark Zuckerberg’s most recent attempt to control all of our lives:

"Sorry. We can't be friends because I already have too many of them."

Watch out for the day that they tell you that you can’t be family with your brother either.


I know I'm getting older, but I didn't forget an entire month.

January 2, 2010

I was facebook stalking myself the other day, looking for a website that my friend had posted on my wall a couple months earlier. As I was reliving all my memories from the prior months (our friend drinking a gallon of milk in 29 minutes, getting accepted into grad school), I noticed something that disturbed me.

That’s right. For an ENTIRE month I had nothing happen. That may sound somewhat conceited, but hear me out. If you read this blog, you know that I posted blogs in November. If you link to my blogs from facebook, you know that, at one time, they were posted on there. I didn’t black out for an entire month. I remember I went with an amazing young lady to the Steelers-Bengals game and posted a picture on there. We had our biannual wing cook off and Jake made his infamous Pixie Wing (a mixture of crushed Sprees basted on a wing with honey. Yes, it is as disgusting as it sounds). Sam obtained ‘baller status’ by buying lobsters for the whole household and preparing. These were chronicled on facebook as well during this lost time.

Soon-to-be leader of the New Galactic Empire? If he has things his way, he will be.

So this recent revelation has lead me to wonder what Mark Zuckerberg is really doing with my facebook information. Is he selling my photos to third parties to edit my head into nudie magazines? Has he sold my friends and me down the river by giving our secret recipe to the Pixie Wing to Quaker Steak and Lube? Do I now have Russian intelligence monitoring my every move? All of that talk about people opening up there lives on facebook and staying connected is just a smokescreen to help “Mark Zuckerberg”, if that is his real name, steal our valuable information, like wing recipes and blog topics. And THAT’S where this man is making all of his money.

I don’t know. It’s just a theory. But I’m going to get to the bottom of this.

**EDITOR’S NOTE**
Since the posting of this blog, I have gone back to my facebook page and hit refresh several times. It turns out I didn’t black out for an entire month and everything seems to have come back to its proper sequential location in my life. Keep in mind, this doesn’t disprove my theory. Can I really be sure that Coax Cable van is just a Coax Cable van and not Red Intelligence bugging my apartment? Absolutely not. I’m just waiting for the day I walk into Quaker Steak and Lube and they’re serving Jake’s Pixie Wings. I know you’re up to something, Mark Zuckerberg. And I’m going to find out what your real angle is.