Things will be better when you’re gone.

September 14, 2011

First, I’d like to thank my friend for allowing me to post this on his blog since it doesn’t necessarily relate to the overall theme of my personal blog.

These thoughts have been brewing for a while now.  I’ve shared my dark philosophy with my close friends but never quite as out loud or publicly as this platform will offer.  It’s pretty depressing, but I feel that the truth behind the message might change the way that people think about certain issues that aren’t yet socially acceptable for whatever reason.

Tonight I read a post in a Facebook group about a high school student that was expressing how disappointed he was with a conversation that his parents had with one another.  His parents’ conversation was about another set of parents that were extremely upset that their child announced that he was a homosexual and how they would be devastated if their one child did the same.  It inspired me to open my laptop and type this post.

Over the past few years, I have developed a firm stance on gay rights.  Not because I am gay myself, but because I am open-minded.  If that last statement was insulting to you then you should probably read on and probably be even more insulted.  I realize that people might not share the same views as me but they are still entitled to their own views and lifestyles.  That’s my definition of open-minded.  If you feel otherwise based on your religion, political affiliation, or because “that’s the way you were raised” then you aren’t open-minded.  You are basing how everyone else should live on the set of standards that you set for yourself.  Just stop and think about it for a second.  No really, stop right now before reading the next paragraph and just pause to think about the things that you believe and how they affect the happiness of others.  (Pause and count to 30)

I didn’t always feel as passionate as I do now about equality.  It was only a few years ago that the words “faggot” and “nigger” were part of my regular vocabulary.  It’s not something that I am proud of by any means.  Now, I actually am quite offended when I hear people use these words even in a playful sense.  It’s really not funny to me any more.  Who the hell am I (and you) to tell other people how to live their life if it’s not directly affecting the way I live mine?  I might not agree with it but I support that very right.

I thought about how things changed of the course of history and how embarrassing it is to think that the rights that some people have today were denied not long ago in our past.  From slavery to women’s right to vote, it’s embarrassing.  It’s embarrassing to think of how big of a deal it is that we now have a black president because we never thought in our recent past that we would ever see this as possible and acceptable.  It’s milestones like these that expose how narrow-minded we actually are as a society.

Over time, things get better but it’s never fast enough.  I credit the changes in socially acceptable issues to more open-mindedness from generation to generation.  Our ancestors socially accepted rights that denied others of those very same rights and we are still doing the same thing today with gay marriage.  It will again be embarrassing to look back 20 years from now when gay marriage is passed (hopefully much much sooner) and wonder why we waited so long to pass a law that allows people to be happy.  Gays aren’t looking for anything else but equality and we as a society are denying them of that.  That’s embarrassing.

As generations continue they become more accepting to the beliefs of others.  My generation is more accepting of homosexuality than my parents’ generation and definitely more accepting than their parents’ generation.  What is awesome about this trend is that my children will live in a world that is more accepting than the very one in which I live.  It’s very offensive and insulting to accept the concept that things will be better when you’re (I’m) gone and that’s a beautiful thing for our children, their children and so on.


The Pope was cool with molesting children in the ’70’s

December 28, 2010

People are stubborn.  I believe this to be true because most people are dumb.  If you’re not willing to entertain a new idea just because you’re a closed-minded turd, you’re dumb.  Which brings me to the Catholic church.  Catholicism is about as practical and antiquated as Pennsylvania liquor laws, yet millions of people flock to their local cattle chutes week after week because their dad went, and his dad went, and his dad’s dad went.  It also makes people feel a lot better about writing off that grasshopper martini at the airport as a business expense.  You know that liquor isn’t included, you little cheat.

Hopefully Catholics were listening loud and clear when the Pope most recently opened his mouth, because if they were, there’s no way they should be affiliating themselves with an organization that believes in what its fearless leader is peddling.

In one of his more asinine and inflammatory statements, the Pope came up with a great excuse for his stable of pedophiles (AKA – priests), and why

Child abuse: it's never been culturally acceptable, actually.

pedophilia has run rampant throughout the Catholic ranks.

“In the 1970’s paedophilia was theorised as something fully in conformity with man and even with children.”

You have got to be kidding me.  My theory on the Pope’s stance on child abuse is this: he has never seen the movie “Sleepers”.  Yet another really solid

reason that demonstrates why there’s no need for organized religion in society.  The Pope is supposed to be the upstanding moral leader of millions of people and he’s so out of touch with reality that he thinks that sexually molesting children was okay in the ’70’s because everybody was doing it.

“…fully in conformity with man…”  Holy shit.  I’m really having a hard time wrapping my head around this one.  It’s really out of my realm of understanding for a grown man to justify sexually molesting children because in his weird social circle it was acceptable.

Could you imagine the chaos that would unleash itself upon organized religion if the Pope actually believed that bullshit rhetoric he farted out of his mouth?  Think about applying Pope logic to gay marriage.  The majority of the world is open to that concept, so the Catholic church should be performing them because it’s in conformity with man, right?  Sadly, I doubt we’ll be seeing that any time soon.

That’s called a double standard.  That rule only applies when justifying why thousands of children were robbed of a normal childhood by creepy spunk monkeys who should be locked up for the remainders of their meaningless lives for the benefit of the rest of society.

You're going to put your faith in a man who dresses like that?

I suppose when it comes down to it, you have to look at things dispassionately; if you take moral advice from a grown-ass man wearing a silly hat like that, you’re probably dumb enough to agree with what he has to say in the first place.

Sources: 1, 2

Facebook Anthropology 101

December 9, 2010

One evening, aided and inspired by a bender at the Riverside Inn, I decided to discover the beginning of time as I know it.  Time as I now know it is measured in the era AF, or Anno Facebook. The term Anno Facebook is Medieval Latin, roughly translated to In the year of Our Facebook.

My cousin Kent heard of this newfangled thing called facebook back in 2005.  A friend of his attended Harvard and told him about this website that let college students (or students with college e-mail accounts) post information about themselves and share it with other people.  Intrigued enough by the prospect, I signed up for facebook.

As facebook continues to grow, I’ve witnessed the relationships it has spawned, documented, and ruined.  I’ve seen what people have been thinking literally moments after a divorce and conversely right after a marriage.  I’ve witnessed some of the most hilarious, disgusting, and disappointing things I have ever seen written that have made me utterly lose faith in humanity.  But then ‘Mafia Wars’ came out and made it all better.

It really was an interesting trip that night (and definitely well-buzzed), chronicling my life over the last four or so years.  People came into my life, as evidenced by facebook.  I’ve lost touch with some, kept in touch with others.  It really keeps track of the ebb and flow of things in my social life.

It was a challenging journey discovering where it all began.  I seriously had to click ‘previous posts’ for two hours straight to find where facebook started for me.  Had I not started out this challenging quest drunk, I probably never would have been curious enough to finish it.  In fact, by the time it was over, I was lucid enough to realize that after my internet browser crashed twice during the middle of it, I would have been better served to have sat down, read a book and learned something instead.  But wow, what a trip.

So come with me on this magical journey through the highlights of my facebook tenure!  I can’t promise you’ll find it interesting, but I can promise you that I did.

(Disclaimer: I would like to make one thing clear: this was an epic waste of time.)

(Edit: My wordpress account lost all of the imagines I uploaded when I changed the name and location of my blog.  In the early hours of August 5, 2011, determined to yet again find what was rightfully mine, I searched the never-ending posts on facebook to rediscover what was rightfully mine: the beginning of my facebook account.)

This is where facebook all started for me. With boobs.

The first time someone wished me happy birthday via facebook. Notice the primitive style of writing. Simply 'Happy birthday!!' No further elaboration.

The first time someone confused me for someone else on facebook. I was never in choir. (Editor's Note: One day in 8th grade I was late to Mr. Brown's science class, so instead of getting a tardy, I walked across the hall and told the chorus teacher I wanted to change my schedule because I was interested in joining choir. She smiled and told me to speak with the guidance counselor. I said, 'Okay! Great!' Then I asked her for a pass. I never joined choir. I've never told anyone that story before.)

On September 5, 2006 Super Dave and I became virtual friends.

On November 5, 2006 my next door neighbor became my virtual neighbor.

The first of what I can only assume are my brother's attempts at a drunken form of communication. As noted below, clearly I have no idea what any of that means.

My friendship with Sam began on November 26, 2006. Right here.

The first UNC basketball game I attended.

I became friends with Kari. Notice above that she still doesn't understand the complex workings of facebook.

I want Megan to remember this forever. She really doesn't like the Browns.

Things were not always this cordial between us. I elaborate more on that if you follow the link below.

Follow this link to learn more about my tumultuous relationship with the above young lady.

This is the very first comment that facebook allowed me to like. Apparently Amy thinks I'm an all around terrible human being.

I don't remember who this person is, but she was talking about how I liked golden showers, so I figured it was significant. Also note the comment posted three years later during the drinking/research session.

For the sake of posterity, Marcus is this caliber of person.

On June 22, 2007, Mike and I become friends. Note that I'm still using facebook as a means to keep in touch with people I haven't talked to in a while, like Sara, who clearly has no idea what region of the United States I'm living in at the time.

On June 26, 2007, Jozzy and I become friends. And then she never calls me back, ever. Which is ironic, because...

Apparently I never called her back at one point.

On August 14, 2007 Dan and I are reunited online. It was a beautiful moment.

Clearly Emily knows me all-too-well. Also, Ross almost got married. That was a crazy time.

My little brother Jon wished me a happy birthday on this day as well.

This was an exciting time in my life: when I purchased my two wheeled death machine.

In April of 2008 I made a trip home to attend one of many Seth Fests.

I think there was something implied in that comment.

My favorite Dan comment to date was after Isaac and Meagan's wedding.

This was my first status update ever in honor of the irreplaceable Mr. Mumau.

This was my second status update ever. On a much cheerier note.

My first comment after I moved back to Pennsylvania and had to live with my parents until I could find an apartment.

This is proof of the first time I conducted this facebook anthropological research. How's that for a trippy status and comment? It's like 'Back to the Future.'

I'm not sure what happened this evening, but Marcus was privy to some highly classified information on the events that unfolded.

The first ever status updates I made from a phone.

My first blog post on facebook.

That night was... amazing.

The beginning of the end of my stay in Pennsylvania.

I'm like a baseball Nostradamous.

I had the best mustache by the end of this contest.

That one still makes me laugh.

Mike started a t-shirt business that would soon spiral out of control and consume his life.

Careful when you're driving through Cambridge Springs, Pennsylvania.

This is what happens when I play fantasy sports.

I saw Karl Urban at a deli in Los Angeles. No big deal.

A few enjoyable evenings in California and what would become a staple for me knowing when I've had too much to drink. Thank you, Kent.

I'm still enjoying my job, obviously.

This is where my research began last time.

Thank you, Sam, for continuing to contribute to the hilarity on my facebook wall.

It was a fun stroll down Memory Lane.  I figured that I had all of these screen shots captured, so it’d be a shame to waste them.  One of these nights after a few brews and with a couple hours to waste, sit down, click away at ‘previous posts’ and discover a little bit about yourself.  It’ll be well worth your while.

(Editor’s Note: There are significantly more screen shots taken of my facebook wall in this post than the first time.  I figured if I was going back again, I needed to catalog way more of my facebook history.)

Glenn Beck isn’t making a judgment. Apparently that’s because he’s unclear about what that means.

November 14, 2010

Glenn Beck is upset because George Soros doesn’t feel remorse for his actions as a 14 year old Holocaust survivor.  He claims that he doesn’t pass judgment on Soros, who grew up Jewish and, at 14 years old, posed as a young Christian boy to survive in Nazi occupied Hungary.  While under this guise, he had to accompany his guardian to an abandoned Jewish household and inventory the remaining artifacts.  Glenn had this to say about Soros’s experience:

“…his father asked a Christian in Hungary to adopt his son, or make him his godson.  And George Soros used to go around with this, ya know, Anti-Semite and deliver papers to the Jews and confiscate their property and ship them off.  And George Soros was part of it.  He would, he would help confiscate the stuff.  It’s frightening.  Here’s a Jewish boy helping send the Jews to the death.  And death camps.  And I am certainly not saying that George Soros enjoyed that, even had a choice.  I mean, he’s 14 years old.  He was surviving.  So I’m, I’m not making a judgment. That’s between him and God.  As a 14 year old boy I don’t know what you would do.  I don’t know what you would do.  But you think there would be some remorse as an 80 year old man, or a 40 year old man, or a 20 year old man.  When it was all over, you would do some soul searching and say, ‘What did I do?  What did I do?'”

I’ve highlighted So I’m, I’m not making a judgment so that we can compare that to what Glenn Beck actually says in the same diatribe that contradicts this statement.

Now before we go any further, let’s establish what judgment really means.  It’s the ability to objectively judge or form an opinion wisely.  So Glenn Beck literally states that he’s not forming an opinion, either way, about the terrible life experiences of George Soros.  Now, let’s highlight where Glenn Beck passes judgment on him.

1. It’s frightening. Considering that Beck thinks that George physically sent Jewish people to death camps, which is grossly inaccurate, it’s pretty clear that he’s passed judgment on Mr. Soros’s actions.  If that were the case.  If that were the case, maybe it would be more reasonable to expect a man in his shoes to feel more remorse.  But that’s not what actually happened.  So Glenn Beck has falsely accused a man of sending Jewish people to their deaths during one of the most horrific periods of time in the history of civilization.  And then he passed judgment on the man.

Nice work, jackass.

2. But you think there would be some remorse as an 80 year old man, or a 40 year old man, or a 20 year old man. I would think that a man who is 80 years old would finally be at peace with what happened and understand that at 14 years old, he had absolutely no control over any of it.  But that’s my opinion.  That would be how I judge George Soros.  That is not how Beck passes judgment.

It’s pretty obvious that Glenn Beck has no understanding of what it means to judge someone.

You can go listen to Glenn Beck and his incoherent mumbling here, to listen to his whole dickish opinion about another man’s terrible experiences growing up.  The sad part of this whole insanely ignorant comment is that people will continue to listen to Glenn Beck like he’s an authority on something.  That man isn’t qualified to run a Denny’s, let alone inform people of who should and shouldn’t feel guilt about events in their lives.

"I get so goddamn diuretic when I sit here and my mouth just never stops."

Bill O’Reilly is an idiot.

October 15, 2010

Seriously.  A flaming idiot.

Around the 1:5o mark, Bill O’Reilly says on of the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.  While trying to explain why he feels the ‘Ground Zero Mosque’, as it’s now known, is inappropriate, O’Reilly and his mindless diarrhea of the mouth farted the following:

“Muslims killed us on 9/11!”

Holy shit.  That is one of the most bigoted, idiotic things I have ever heard someone utter, Fox News or otherwise.

Generalizing the terrorists behind the 9/11 attacks as Muslims would be like generalizing the Southern lynch mobs in the late 1800’s as Christians.  Were the crazy rednecks who hung black people from trees Christians?  Absolutely.  I don’t hear Bill O’Reilly preaching that Christians senselessly murdered thousands of black people.  Because the ignorant hillbillies who did things like that were ‘Christians’.

It doesn’t seem fair to pass judgment on a whole group of people when you’re part of that group, does it, O’Reilly?  You horse’s ass.

Bill O'Reilly is a horse's ass. Literally.


Then O’Reilly tries some more failed logic and a terrible PR drop as he continues to ramble on pointlessly: “…a lot of the 9/11 families, who I know, say, ‘Look, we don’t want that.'”

Jesus.  Do you mean like how when white, Southern Christians enslaved, raped, and murdered black people in the South for over a century and then fought in a war to prevent their slaves from freedom in the name of the Confederate flag? I bet the descendants of those slaves don’t want the rebel flag flying around capital cities.  Jackass.  And, in a sadly predictable twist, every radio station that Bill O’Reilly’s on promotes the right to wave that Confederate flag.

Columbia, South Carolina: A century and a half behind the North.

It will never cease to amaze me that people like O’Reilly still have viewers, even after they say terribly bigoted, uneducated things like that.

The Pope’s vendetta against people with mustaches. And atheists.

September 21, 2010

Joseph Ratzinger (AKA – The Pope) had this to say about Hitler and the Nazis on his first day in Edinburgh:

Even in our own lifetime, we can recall how Britain and her leaders stood against a Nazi tyranny that wished to eradicate God from society and denied our common humanity to many, especially the Jews, who were thought unfit to live. I also recall the regime’s attitude to Christian pastors and religious who spoke the truth in love, opposed the Nazis and paid for that opposition with their lives. As we reflect on the sobering lessons of the atheist extremism of the twentieth century, let us never forget how the exclusion of God, religion and virtue from public life leads ultimately to a truncated vision of man and of society and thus to a ‘reductive vision of the person and his destiny.’

One does have to wonder if Ratzinger has ever opened a book on history.  One would think it may not be necessary, since he actually lived through it and witnessed the atrocities of the Nazi party as a compulsory member of the Hitler Youth during World War II.  However, historical inaccuracies aside, I have a major problem with Ratzinger’s statement.

He singles out atheists as if all of them are hate mongering, murderous extremists.  Ratzinger whimsically profiles an entire demographic of our society with no basis whatsoever for doing so, which clearly demonstrates that he didn’t learn a valuable lesson about haphazardly profiling people during World War II.  The historically inaccurate statement that ‘Hitler and the Nazi party were all atheists’ simply isn’t true and is a crass, inflammatory statement intended to stir up fear and anger in people who are uneducated about the history of World War II and Hitler.  Sadly, people listen to that man as viable source of information.  But even more sadly, Ratzinger views himself as one.  And he clearly isn’t.

And even if Hitler hadn’t been a confirmed Catholic, (which he was) and hadn’t claimed that his attempted extermination of Jewish people was a war waged on behalf of God, (which he did) and was actually an atheist, blaming atheism for the atrocities that took place during the Holocaust would be no more logical than saying, “Hitler, Stalin, and Wario all have mustaches, therefore all people with mustaches are evil.”

Mustaches are not tools of hatred, oppression, and fear, as the Pope's logic would have you believe.

People are entitled to have faith in whatever they so choose.  But I just hope that when it comes to high ranking religious officials like the Pope, people exercise a little bit of judgment and critical thinking skills before they eat out of his hand.

And Joseph Ratzinger, of all people, should know better than attempting to stir up unfounded fears and unjust persecution towards specific members of our society.

On Kent Hovind

July 31, 2010

I’m not exactly sure when I first remember hearing about this whack job, but it was within the span of a few years ago. The first thing I remember hearing about this guy is that he tried to claim bankruptcy, didn’t file his tax returns properly, and stated that his motivation for claiming that he wasn’t a United States Citizen and had no income or possessions was because everything he owned belonged to God.

That’s a little glimpse into the mental capacity of the man known as Kent Hovind.

Typically (sadly) this wouldn’t strike me as anything more crazy than I’d hear on an average day on the news. However, what captured my attention and I found particularly agitating was the fact that this man had his PhD. “Why does this bother you so?” you might ask. Well, it’s because someday I’d like to have my PhD (or at least my EdD), and this ass-clown is really devaluing the worth of a doctorate.

I’m sure by now you’re wondering how this one person could single-handedly destroy the value of the most prestigious academic achievement mankind has to offer. In order to better understand this, let’s dig a little bit deeper into the life of this big, dumb man-child and see what comes about. **Brace yourselves for large bouts of laughter, followed by immediate feelings of nausea and remorse, please.**

“Dr.” Kent Hovind completed his bachelor of religious education degree at Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan in 1974. He was awarded his Master’s degree in 1988 from Patriot University in Colorado Springs. By 1989 he founded the Creation Science Evangelism Ministry and by 1991 had earned a “doctorate” in Christian Education from Patriot University as well. Now the problem with all of these degrees that Kent was earning was that Patriot University was (and is still) a non-accredited university (accreditation is an award given to universities that prove the quality of their education through all kinds of different, rigorous measures. My alma mater is NCATE accredited, for example). It may be misleading if you go to their website, however, because they claim that they’re accredited, just not by the ‘government.’  It’s accredited by God.  Unfortunately for the graduates from Hillbilly U., God’s signature of accreditation is worth about as much as accreditation from Santa Claus.

Now, onto some other points of interest in Hovi’s life. Don’t worry, we’ll get back to his academic credentials in a hot minute.

For now though, let’s move onto another facet. A little place I like to call…

Dinosaurs! Adventures! All in the comfort of this creepy guy's backyard!

Kent is also the creator of Dinosaur Adventure Land (DAL), a theme park based on creationism located behind his house in Pensacola, Florida. Yes, he’s serious. Read a little bit about Dinosaur Adventure Land here and try not to pee your pants as you giggle. Learn about dinosaurs, principles of science, and even how to make a paper airplane that can fly over 300 feet! Wow! I’m really excited about the paper airplane! I hope the Tyrannosaurus Rex teaches me how to make it! How this swindler made enough money to build a theme park in his backyard is well beyond me. Parents, this is precisely why you don’t tell your kids growing up that they can do anything. Because some of them may actually try.  And then be successful.

If you’ve already booked your flight to Florida to visit Dinosaur Adventure Land, however, you may want to check and see if you can get some vouchers for those tickets; DAL is closed indefinitely due to Kent’s federal tax evasion charges. Oh, and also because he didn’t obtain a building permit from the city of Pensacola before he built an amusement park in his backyard. There were 58 tax-related charges levied against him before he decided that he needed to try and save DAL for the children by deeding his theme park to his brother, Eric Hovind, and his equally zany partner in crime, Glen Stoll. Unfortunately, that’s illegal and is considered tax evasion. You don’t get points for trying and all you probably did was piss the federal government off more. They just want to seize your assets, Kent. And The Man gets what The Man wants.

Now, all of this wackiness isn’t really even what irks me the most about the guy; the federal charges, using God as an excuse as to why he didn’t file his taxes, the zany theme park he built for himself in his backyard (that does kind of bug me, actually. What a waste of money). What does bother me, however, is that this man refers to himself as “Dr. Hovind”, or, on his crazy-ass website, as “Dr. Dino”.  I’d like to preface what I’m about to show you with just how hard earning a PhD should be.

In a nutshell, on top of the coursework required by the university you attend, in order to obtain a PhD you have to create an original piece of academic research. Along the way you submit pieces of this research to publications so that, basically, everyone can bash it and you can see how well it holds up to the criticism of other professionals in the field. The peer review process is absolutely brutal, but necessary, to ensure the legitimacy of the research. After years of research, writing, rewriting, repeating, you submit your final thesis to be reviewed by a counsel that determines whether its an original, acceptable body of research or not.

I’ve seen this process bring some of the smartest, motivated people I’ve ever met to their metaphorical knees. But in the end, the collection of work submitted is (or should be) immense, compelling, and influential.

My interest was piqued about this crazy bastard and what kind of crazy, genius sociopath he was. I imagined this guy to be like a comic book super-villain.  Lex Luthor holding all of Metropolis hostage.  Simply diabolical.  How else could he get away with the shit that he got away with for so long if he wasn’t a super genius?

After reading his dissertation, I will tell you how:

People are dumb.

I tried to read Hovind’s work, but it’s like a dammed Shakespearean tragedy.  I laughed.  I cried.  Eventually I just wanted to give up and read the cliff notes.  If you’d like, you can check out his dissertation right here.   Whatever wacky tribunal decided that this nutcase contributed anything of value to the world of academia should, in the words of my favorite cat Garfield, be drug out into the street and shot.

If you’re not feeling overly ambitious about reading some terribly written bullshit, let me give you the abridged version.  “Dr.” Hovind’s doctoral dissertation begins as follows:

Hello, my name is Kent Hovind. I am a creation/science evangelist. I live in Pensacola, Florida. I have been a high school science teacher since 1976.

Holy shit.  I feel like he just introduced himself at a speed dating convention.  After suffering through minutes of that man’s work, I value his doctoral status less than Dr. Seuss, Dr. Dre, and Dr. Pepper. All of whom I think are more qualified to lecture to anyone about anything more than Kent Hovind. At least Doctors Seuss and Dre are fun to listen to. Hovind writes like a dammed fourth grader.

Another favorite:

I will be quick to point out that “there is nothing new under the sun” Most of my ideas are the result of the input of hundreds of Godly men and women through the years.

God dammit.  I may retch on myself.

I’m glad you’re admittedly writing your dissertation about nothing new, you moron.  That should really help advance the field of whatever the hell it is you’re rambling on about, page after pointless page.

Hovind is a charlatan of the worst caliber.  A stupid one.  A man trying to sell ketchup popsicles to as many ladies wearing white gloves as he can.  And then he has a stash of white gloves waiting in the wings.  And the ladies can see them.  But they still buy the popsicles anyways.  I would probably be a little less frightened if I thought this lunatic didn’t actually believe in the shit that he does, but I have a sneaky suspicion that he thinks the Earth is only 4,000 years old and that Jesus rode on dinosaurs while he was helping the blind to see again.

Yep.  He’s definitely one of those guys.  One of my favorite parts in that video has to be when he references a leviathan.

“Now what on earth is a leviathan?” he asks.

Hopefully you’re not wondering the same thing, because he doesn’t know either.  Instead, Hovind answers his own question by farting the following out of his mouth:

“I think leviathan is probably Tyrannosaurus Rex.  I don’t know.  I can’t prove this.  But I’ve read it many times and it seems to fit and it may or may not be right, but I’m preaching tonight so for tonight it’s Tyrannosaurus Rex.”

He does, however, digress into some interesting facts about T-Rexes though.  And I do have to admit, they sound pretty awesome.  In fact, from now on, let’s just call dinosaurs ‘leviathans’ instead!  Then, I’ll go catch a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and sleep with my 75 virgins waiting for me after I save the Easter Bunny from the deadly clutches of Frankenstein’s monster.

Of course I can’t prove any of that is actually possible.

Thanks for diluting the field, Kent.  After listening to his pointless story about how his mom drug him behind their vehicle on his bike using a rope, I understand the shallow gene pool his family swims in.

I hope you enjoy prison, you ignorant slut.