Random Ramblings: Vol. 2

December 1, 2009

Or, as my brother loves to call it, lazy writing. However, I’m still keeping the title because: 1. It’s not exactly the same and 2. I’m going to use it way more often than him anyways. Some of my musings.

I just finished reading Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock and I couldn’t have been more impressed by a guy who dropped out of high school and worked in a mill for thirty years. Kids, don’t ever, ever, let someone tell you that you can’t accomplish something if you put your mind to it. A bit of a disclaimer for anyone possibly interested in reading Mr. Pollock’s debut novel: It’s not for the squeamish. In the wake of Chuck Palahniuk (who also plugs the book with a nice little endorsement on the cover), Pollock points out the illegal, bizarre, disturbed, and sometimes downright disgusting lives of the impoverished living in the Midwestern town of Knockemstiff, Ohio. And I thought West Virginia was a weird place.

I really though that ESPN would be hard-pressed to hire someone who I disliked more than Steve Phillips, but, not wanting to let me down, they did. Matt Millen is an idiot.

If you’re unfamiliar, Matt Millen used to be the general manager of the Detroit Lions who amassed a jaw dropping 31-84 record in his tenure. They also failed to win a road game for three years during his stay, going 0-24 on the road throughout one stretch. He also gave such oratory gems, like, “I believe that we have as much talent on this football team as any other team in the league.” That was right before a solid 6-10 season.

I could go on about his wasted draft picks, but I think you get the point. The man may have been a Pro Bowler as an NFL player, but he’s a total idiot. One thing I will give him credit for; he doesn’t talk about his ‘glory days’ in Detroit like Steve Phillips used to. Jeez, is that annoying. I don’t even want to get started on Steve Phillips. I’ll save that one for another day.

Excuse me. There's a catepillar underneath your nose.

I want to hate Derek Jeter so much, but I just can’t. He really is Mr. Baseball.

Speaking of Mr. Baseball, let’s talk about Tom Selleck for a hot minute. The 80s were a crazy time. Could you imagine how different our world would be if Tom Selleck had been cast as Indiana Jones? It’d be a weird bizarre-o world where everybody likes mustaches and Hawaiian shirts. Actually, that doesn’t seem so bad once you say it aloud.

Chicken wings could be my favorite food. Stop and think about how American chicken wings really are. You eat a lot of them really quickly. You’re completely sloppy about it, typically getting some wing sauce on the front of your shirt. Sometimes you rub yourself and your partner in it and lick it off each other. I really think wings define our country more than burgers and fries in this day and age…

Life changing.

…unless you’re talking about In-N-Out Burger. God, that food is delicious. I will have to bow down to those burgers and fries. It’s

nothing fancy and the menu isn’t a crowded mess like most fast food places you go to, but that’s what makes In-N-Out so unique now-a-days. They only do a few things, but they do them really well.

And speaking of the West Coast; I love my cousin. He’s tougher than an ultimate fighter. I can say, with confidence, he’s cooler than anybody you know.

The man, the legend.


Random Ramblings: Volume 1

October 7, 2009

Every now and then I like to let loose a little steam. I’ll be doing this in a segment I like to call random ramblings. They will be exactly that. My brother likes to call this ‘lazy writing’. I like to refer to it as planting seeds for future writing. They may not be the most coherent or articulated thoughts, but hopefully you can appreciate some of them. So, my constant readers, enjoy Volume 1 of Random Ramblings.

I like girls with nice noses. I think noses are probably one of the ugliest body features, so I like girls who have a nice one.

I love playoff baseball. I wish the Pirates would make the playoffs more often than every two decades or so.

Two little scoops of heaven.

Superman ice cream is delicious.

College is really easy. Really easy. Standardized testing is a very accurate way to measure someone’s capacity to learn. Sorry.

Philip Roth is a very good author, but a very dry read. (But The Great American Novel is a fantastic book)

I love nonfiction books about baseball. There aren’t as many well written fiction ones. (See The Great American Novel as an example of a good fictional baseball book)

South Park is still one of the funniest shows on television. Randy Marsh and Butters are two of my favorite television characters behind Hawkeye, Jack Bauer, and Uncle Jesse.

You can get anybody to swing and miss at a great changeup. It’s the best pitch to know how to throw.

I just watched a play at the plate that determined whether Minnesota was going to make it into the playoffs or not and there’s nothing more intense in all of sports. I love it. It makes me wish the Pirates didn’t suck so much.

“Where the Wild Things Are” is going to be an amazing movie. Have you seen the trailer? It makes me want to hug a baby and save a tiny kitten stuck in a tree.