Quotant Quotables: Vol. 8: The 2011 Edition

January 1, 2012
2011 Banner

I love my friends. What some people may view as insensitive and rude, I view as hilarious and creative.

Because some sticky fingered little bastards stole my laptop in DC, I lost all of my favorite quotes up to July of this year.  However, these are my favorite quotes from my friends from then until now.

Happy New Year!

– “Tim Tebow : quarterback :: Katy Perry : music.  That may be giving Tim Tebow too much credit.”

– “Guys like you are the reason girls like her have low self esteem.”

“No, I think it’s because girls like her eat too much.  That’s why she has low self esteem.”

– “As long as they go heavy on the baby powder. I don’t want to have to dry clean my suit.”

– “I like scarves. I have a long neck and I like it to be warm.”

– “The McRib is to pork what Nickelback is to music.”

-“You’re packing heat like the oven door.”

– “The show ‘When Animals Attack’ should really be called ‘When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals’.”

– “I remember when [he] told me that he bought a Creed album and it was awesome.”

“Yeah, and the Bible is a good book.”

– “I was really bummed I didn’t get to go to the Corry museum this weekend.   It’s only a matter of time before that becomes a bar too.”

– “I’ve got plenty of girls that are ready to buy the car; I’m just not ready to sell it.”

– “If you’ve still got lead in your pencil, make sure you’ve got someone to write to.”

– “Would you ever date a woman with kids?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.  I was just thinking to myself that my life doesn’t have enough burdens and responsibility already. I’m ready to ruin it.”

– “I’m a little nervous.  I get gassy when I get nervous.  You’re really pretty.  I don’t know why I told you that.”

– “You have really pretty eyes.”

“Thank you, but I have a big enough ego already.”

– “Wow.  You really bottle things up. Maybe I’ll have Elizabeth buy one of those one sided couch things and you can have a therapy session.”

“Oh, man. You don’t even know. I’m straight up dangerous to society at this point.”

– “What part of my team is weak?”

“I’d say at manager.”

– “There’s a good chance you’d meet your demise by drowning pantless and drunk. I’m almost certain of that.”

“Is it still considered pantless if they are wrapped around your head?”

“Yes. Because clearly at that point they are serving as a hat. So you won’t die hatless, at least.”

– “She was really pretty until she smiled.  She opened her mouth and it was like someone shoved a crystal meth grenade in there and it exploded.”

On The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo:

-“Wow.  There sure was a lot of rape in that movie.”

“I disagree.  I feel like there was just the right amount of rape.”

– “It’s not important who you’ve been with, it’s important who you end up with. Unless you’ve been with Magic Johnson. Then that’s pretty important.”

– After having my car broke into in Washington, DC; talking to the window replacement guy:

“Don’t worry, I don’t judge DC on this one experience.”

“Shit.  I would.”

– “Ew.  You’re eating hot dogs at 10:30 in the morning?”

“What?  Do you want me to wait ’til 11:00?”

– “Happy New Year.  Have fun.  Be safe.  And don’t do anything Marcus Hayden would do.”

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I don't feel like dancing. In a good way.

October 11, 2010

I’d like to thank the Scissor Sisters for reminding us all how awesome disco really is.

‘I Don’t Feel Like Dancin” is a very ironic title for a song like that because every time I hear it, I want to jump up on the bar and dance just like the strapping young lad below.

At the end of all our lives, we can all only hope to be half that awesome.