Facebook Anthropology 101

One evening, aided and inspired by a bender at the Riverside Inn, I decided to discover the beginning of time as I know it.  Time as I now know it is measured in the era AF, or Anno Facebook. The term Anno Facebook is Medieval Latin, roughly translated to In the year of Our Facebook.

My cousin Kent heard of this newfangled thing called facebook back in 2005.  A friend of his attended Harvard and told him about this website that let college students (or students with college e-mail accounts) post information about themselves and share it with other people.  Intrigued enough by the prospect, I signed up for facebook.

As facebook continues to grow, I’ve witnessed the relationships it has spawned, documented, and ruined.  I’ve seen what people have been thinking literally moments after a divorce and conversely right after a marriage.  I’ve witnessed some of the most hilarious, disgusting, and disappointing things I have ever seen written that have made me utterly lose faith in humanity.  But then ‘Mafia Wars’ came out and made it all better.

It really was an interesting trip that night (and definitely well-buzzed), chronicling my life over the last four or so years.  People came into my life, as evidenced by facebook.  I’ve lost touch with some, kept in touch with others.  It really keeps track of the ebb and flow of things in my social life.

It was a challenging journey discovering where it all began.  I seriously had to click ‘previous posts’ for two hours straight to find where facebook started for me.  Had I not started out this challenging quest drunk, I probably never would have been curious enough to finish it.  In fact, by the time it was over, I was lucid enough to realize that after my internet browser crashed twice during the middle of it, I would have been better served to have sat down, read a book and learned something instead.  But wow, what a trip.

So come with me on this magical journey through the highlights of my facebook tenure!  I can’t promise you’ll find it interesting, but I can promise you that I did.

(Disclaimer: I would like to make one thing clear: this was an epic waste of time.)

(Edit: My wordpress account lost all of the imagines I uploaded when I changed the name and location of my blog.  In the early hours of August 5, 2011, determined to yet again find what was rightfully mine, I searched the never-ending posts on facebook to rediscover what was rightfully mine: the beginning of my facebook account.)

This is where facebook all started for me. With boobs.

The first time someone wished me happy birthday via facebook. Notice the primitive style of writing. Simply 'Happy birthday!!' No further elaboration.

The first time someone confused me for someone else on facebook. I was never in choir. (Editor's Note: One day in 8th grade I was late to Mr. Brown's science class, so instead of getting a tardy, I walked across the hall and told the chorus teacher I wanted to change my schedule because I was interested in joining choir. She smiled and told me to speak with the guidance counselor. I said, 'Okay! Great!' Then I asked her for a pass. I never joined choir. I've never told anyone that story before.)

On September 5, 2006 Super Dave and I became virtual friends.

On November 5, 2006 my next door neighbor became my virtual neighbor.

The first of what I can only assume are my brother's attempts at a drunken form of communication. As noted below, clearly I have no idea what any of that means.

My friendship with Sam began on November 26, 2006. Right here.

The first UNC basketball game I attended.

I became friends with Kari. Notice above that she still doesn't understand the complex workings of facebook.

I want Megan to remember this forever. She really doesn't like the Browns.

Things were not always this cordial between us. I elaborate more on that if you follow the link below.

Follow this link to learn more about my tumultuous relationship with the above young lady.

This is the very first comment that facebook allowed me to like. Apparently Amy thinks I'm an all around terrible human being.

I don't remember who this person is, but she was talking about how I liked golden showers, so I figured it was significant. Also note the comment posted three years later during the drinking/research session.

For the sake of posterity, Marcus is this caliber of person.

On June 22, 2007, Mike and I become friends. Note that I'm still using facebook as a means to keep in touch with people I haven't talked to in a while, like Sara, who clearly has no idea what region of the United States I'm living in at the time.

On June 26, 2007, Jozzy and I become friends. And then she never calls me back, ever. Which is ironic, because...

Apparently I never called her back at one point.

On August 14, 2007 Dan and I are reunited online. It was a beautiful moment.

Clearly Emily knows me all-too-well. Also, Ross almost got married. That was a crazy time.

My little brother Jon wished me a happy birthday on this day as well.

This was an exciting time in my life: when I purchased my two wheeled death machine.

In April of 2008 I made a trip home to attend one of many Seth Fests.

I think there was something implied in that comment.

My favorite Dan comment to date was after Isaac and Meagan's wedding.

This was my first status update ever in honor of the irreplaceable Mr. Mumau.

This was my second status update ever. On a much cheerier note.

My first comment after I moved back to Pennsylvania and had to live with my parents until I could find an apartment.

This is proof of the first time I conducted this facebook anthropological research. How's that for a trippy status and comment? It's like 'Back to the Future.'

I'm not sure what happened this evening, but Marcus was privy to some highly classified information on the events that unfolded.

The first ever status updates I made from a phone.

My first blog post on facebook.

That night was... amazing.

The beginning of the end of my stay in Pennsylvania.

I'm like a baseball Nostradamous.

I had the best mustache by the end of this contest.

That one still makes me laugh.

Mike started a t-shirt business that would soon spiral out of control and consume his life.

Careful when you're driving through Cambridge Springs, Pennsylvania.

This is what happens when I play fantasy sports.

I saw Karl Urban at a deli in Los Angeles. No big deal.

A few enjoyable evenings in California and what would become a staple for me knowing when I've had too much to drink. Thank you, Kent.

I'm still enjoying my job, obviously.

This is where my research began last time.

Thank you, Sam, for continuing to contribute to the hilarity on my facebook wall.

It was a fun stroll down Memory Lane.  I figured that I had all of these screen shots captured, so it’d be a shame to waste them.  One of these nights after a few brews and with a couple hours to waste, sit down, click away at ‘previous posts’ and discover a little bit about yourself.  It’ll be well worth your while.

(Editor’s Note: There are significantly more screen shots taken of my facebook wall in this post than the first time.  I figured if I was going back again, I needed to catalog way more of my facebook history.)


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