The Alpha and Omega

Time as we know it after June 8th will officially be recorded as ADS, which stands for Anno Domini Strasburg.  Roughly translated from Latin, it means in the year of our Lord, Strasburg.  On June 8th, Stephen Strasburg and his microscopic numbers will take the hill against my Pittsburgh Pirates (and our amazing -128 run differential!) in what is sure to be the 21st perfect game in Major League Baseball history.  It will also coincide with the worst ass-raping in Pittsburgh history.  I don’t think he’ll throw his perfect game in 27 pitches because then he wouldn’t get to strike anyone out.  No, I think a pitch count around the low-to-mid eighties with 26 strike outs is a much more reasonable prediction.

Left: The Savior of Mankind. Right: A compassionate looking sheep farmer.

Even better for fans who enjoy their baseball games in under two hours, after he has his way with Pittsburgh, Strasburg then gets the pleasure of facing Cleveland, followed by the South Side Chicago club.

Then some bad news.

Unfortunately, he will probably not make a start during the next series against Kansas City.

Fear not, though.  Now the good news.

His next start will probably be against the Baltimore Orioles.  Personally, I’d start Strasburg versus the Royals and then run him out there the next night versus the Orioles.  He could probably finish those two games in a healthy bullpen-session-length pitch count of 75 to 100 pitches.

I don’t know about you, but I’m putting all of my faith in this kid.  I agree with the Washington Nationals that he’s going to save humanity from burning in the fiery torments of hell for all eternity with his golden arm and 100 MPH fastball.  In Stephen We Trust!


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