I was facebook stalking myself the other day, looking for a website that my friend had posted on my wall a couple months earlier. As I was reliving all my memories from the prior months (our friend drinking a gallon of milk in 29 minutes, getting accepted into grad school), I noticed something that disturbed me.
That’s right. For an ENTIRE month I had nothing happen. That may sound somewhat conceited, but hear me out. If you read this blog, you know that I posted blogs in November. If you link to my blogs from facebook, you know that, at one time, they were posted on there. I didn’t black out for an entire month. I remember I went with an amazing young lady to the Steelers-Bengals game and posted a picture on there. We had our biannual wing cook off and Jake made his infamous Pixie Wing (a mixture of crushed Sprees basted on a wing with honey. Yes, it is as disgusting as it sounds). Sam obtained ‘baller status’ by buying lobsters for the whole household and preparing. These were chronicled on facebook as well during this lost time.So this recent revelation has lead me to wonder what Mark Zuckerberg is really doing with my facebook information. Is he selling my photos to third parties to edit my head into nudie magazines? Has he sold my friends and me down the river by giving our secret recipe to the Pixie Wing to Quaker Steak and Lube? Do I now have Russian intelligence monitoring my every move? All of that talk about people opening up there lives on facebook and staying connected is just a smokescreen to help “Mark Zuckerberg”, if that is his real name, steal our valuable information, like wing recipes and blog topics. And THAT’S where this man is making all of his money.
I don’t know. It’s just a theory. But I’m going to get to the bottom of this.
Since the posting of this blog, I have gone back to my facebook page and hit refresh several times. It turns out I didn’t black out for an entire month and everything seems to have come back to its proper sequential location in my life. Keep in mind, this doesn’t disprove my theory. Can I really be sure that Coax Cable van is just a Coax Cable van and not Red Intelligence bugging my apartment? Absolutely not. I’m just waiting for the day I walk into Quaker Steak and Lube and they’re serving Jake’s Pixie Wings. I know you’re up to something, Mark Zuckerberg. And I’m going to find out what your real angle is.