An open letter to Coaxial Cable

The following is a letter sent to Coaxial Cable who provides terrible cable service to the Edinboro/Cambridge Springs area. Watching their pixelated, choppy digital cable service has made me dearly miss my DirecTV satellite service. So kick back and enjoy our group’s passive-aggressive television therapy.

Dear Coax,

I am ……ing yo… to …ess my frustr….. with your cable se….e. Unfortu….., I s..m to have v..y few ….ons in choo…. anot..r cable provi… in our area. It’s be…..ng more and more an…ying that I ca….t watch a single sport… …nt (i.e. this we……s Ste..er’s Game on NBC or ton….t’s Peng..n’s game on F..) without the c…e stut….. and sto..ing for a few sec..ds every other min.te. It’s sl….tly (not really) so amusing th.t your pro…..ns before conve…..g to digital were b….ng satellite netw.rks for their terrible ser…. and st…ering and stopping. In all ..nesty though, this is getting …tty annoying. I’m well a…e that I am not the only ….omer that is be…ing more and more ann…. with this service. ……………………………………………………. to Dish, but it seems more rea….ble than p…..g for a service that makes watc…g tel….ion fru…ating. I’m w….re that this email will p…ably result in a rec….nist (that has no….g to do with this ….lem) giving me a call to ex….in that you are apo……ng for this ongoing p…..em. Ple… .o me a favor. Don’t b…..er having one of your se….aries call me and i…..ad just fix the prob….

Above is what this email would look like if it was broadcasted on your cable service. As I could imagine, you are not amused with the fact that you wasted your time trying to decipher what I was trying to say nor my sarcasm in doing so. Take that into consideration while reading the not so sarcastic version below.

I am e-mailing you to stress my frustration with your cable service. Unfortunately, I seem to have very few options in choosing another cable provider in our area. It’s becoming more and more annoying that I cannot watch a single sporting event (i.e. this weekends Steeler’s Game on NBC or tonight’s Penguin’s game on FSN) without the cable stuttering and stopping for a few seconds every other minute. It’s slightly (not really) so amusing that your promotions before converting to digital were bashing satellite networks for their terrible service and stuttering and stopping. In all honesty though, this is getting pretty annoying. I know that I am not the only customer that is becoming more and more annoyed with this service. I really don’t want to go through the trouble of changing to Dish, but it seems more reasonable than paying for a service that makes watching television frustrating. I’m well aware that this email will probably result in a receptionist (that has nothing to do with this problem) giving me a call to explain that you are apologizing for this ongoing problem. Please do me a favor. Don’t bother having one of your secretaries call me and instead just fix the problem.

Customer,
Michael Hale

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